just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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