Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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