I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
