i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize