hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
