they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
