Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
