Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
