Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
