it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sobbing to NWA
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
