I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
