At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize