The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
