the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just googled if crying burns calories
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
