So drunk its hurt
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
