there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
