Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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