I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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