it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
