she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
