I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize