just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
