you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
