if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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