Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
