i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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