before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
