Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
