I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
