I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
