Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
