mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
