hotel room ftw
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
