those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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