Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
