I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
