Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
