Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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