That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
