Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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