There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize