you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
