Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
