normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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