to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
this is an emotional support booty call
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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