If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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