there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
