he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
