38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
