so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
