somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
