last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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