So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
