I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
