I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Semen is not good for contacts.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
