Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize