U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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