Nicole vs. Life
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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