Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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