So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize