I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
