idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
