STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
