Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
