The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
