There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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