Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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