I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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