we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
time to smoke my breakfast
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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