i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
