all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
