i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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