Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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