He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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