Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize